W(w)S - "Wataru Seken wa Oni Darake" 1 of 2

Title: Warumono (warai) series (わるもの（笑）シリーズ)
　　Volume 1 - Wataru Seken wa Oni Darake （渡る世間は鬼だらけ）
Released: October 22, 2011
Copyright: Frontier Works
Get the CD here:   animate or amazon (jp)

	Cast and roles
H/M/I	Helper karaoke place / Momotarou / Issun Boushi - Sakurai Takahiro (櫻井孝宏)
R	Aka Oni (Red Oni) - Fujiwara Keiji (藤原啓治)
B	Ao Oni  (Blue Oni) - Konishi Katsuyuki (小西克幸)
Y	Ki Oni (Yellow Oni) - Okiayu Ryoutarou (置鮎龍太郎)

Translator Comment~
Post one of two for the first CD of the "Warumono (warai) series" (which translates to: "Badguys (lol) series").

The CD consists of 8 tracks (9 if you include the cast comment track, which I have no intention of translating at the moment). This post will have 4, the second post will have the remaining 4.

In this series I left the word "oni" untranslated. For those who want a quick reminder, an oni is a Japanese type of ogre, usually depicted as a tall (and fairly ugly) creature with coloured skin(red, yellow, blue and green are common), horns, wearing a tiger skin loincloth and holding a club. They're generally considered to be malevolent.
I also left names untranslated, including the oni names, which are based on their appearance (so, we have "Aka Oni", meaning "Red Oni", "Ao Oni" meaning "Blue Oni" and "Ki Oni" meaning "Yellow Oni").
For other explanations, please see the notes at the bottom of this post.

Comments regarding the translation, the formatting and tips for improvement are very much welcome! Also, please feel free to comment when something is not clear.

Edit: This post was first released Feb 2 2014 but the second post took too long because of a break I needed to take. Because 2014 is supposed to be the voice calender set of 365 days (366, actually), I decided to move these posts away from the Voice Calender batch and post them in 2015.
Why I did not combine the two posts in one go, and why did I not the mp3s?
- I was not that smart when posting these sets in that the html format just will take too much time to properly edit. I might combine them in the future.
- The mp3s, which are released with the voice calender, are not released here because, unlike the voice calender where 1) the translations are as a guide to the really short skits and 2) the mp3s are from 4 CDs spread over 365 days/posts, this post (and future posts) will have most or all text (that should already read as one story) in one post, which would mean the entire CD in one post too. In these cases, it does not feel right to add the CD. But these CDs should be floating around the web. So sorry for anyone hoping to get the CD and translation in one go.

～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～

Track One   ・   Track Two   ・   Track Three   ・   Track Four   ・   Notes


～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～・～

	1 - Karaoke - the first
[00.00]	Bad guys (lol) series - Oni version
	Society is filled with oni
R	Sorry I'm late.
B	Aaah, Aka Oni!
R	Yo, Ao Oni, it's been a while.
Y	It sure has been.
R	You're here as well, Ki Oni.
B	What kept you, Aka Oni?
R	I can't really help it. Onigashima is an isolated island, so it was quite a feat to get here.
Y	You're here now so have a seat.
R	Thanks.
	*sits down*
R	By the by, you two are looking good. How long has it been?
Y	About a hundred years, I'd say.
R	Also, what is this place? For how small the room is, isn't the television a little huge? Isn't the balance a bit off?
B	You don't know karaoke, Aka Oni?
R	O.. Of course I know of it! It's just that on my island it isn't like this. Like, old people gather in the living room...
Y	That's a public hall, you're speaking of.
B	That's what you get with isolated islands.
R	Zip it!
[01.10]	*knocking*
H	Excuse me. Has everyone arrived?
B	Yes, just now. Sorry for letting you wait. Please bring out the orders.
H	Understood. Well then, I'd like to welcome you to Karaoke Paradise Akihabara. Thank you for choosing the "Momoque Play"-pack.
R	What?
H	This is the electrical tap, you can use it free of charge.
Y	Thank you.
R	Wait just a moment. Isn't Momoque that popular mobile game..?
B	Yup! Momotarou Quest Two Portable! It's a game where you accompany Momotarou to destroy the Oni!
Y	Two is made into a mobile game so you can play with your friends.
R	Heeeeee.... Is that so?
B	Well then, shall we play?
R	Wai- What are you doing?
Y	Let's see...
R	Why are we playing a game where we have to destroy ourselves, the Oni? Before that, we are in a karaoke room, right? Why are we playing a game in a karaoke room?
H	And here we have the "replenishing-drink".
B	This is it. This colour!
R	What are you so happy about?
B	Huh? Haven't you ever played Momoque, Aka Oni? Did you hear that, Ki Oni?
Y	Well, it is an Isolated Island.
R	That has zilch to do with it.
B	You can't get it from a mail order site, can you?
R	I can! Shipping isn't free, though...
H	Dear customers, all of your names contain the word "Oni"? That's unconventional.
B	No, no, it's not our real name. It's just our handle name.
H	I see, it's only for Momoque! Then... You met on the net?
Y	Yes, we've met on the SMS Momoque community board.
R	Eh?
H	Recently, that's quite common.
B	I know, right? Is this all the food? Then afterwards we'll take care of things.
H	Drinks are included in the package, so feel free to order through this panel.
Y	Understood
H	Then I hope you enjoy yourselves.
[02.54]	*door opens and closes*
R	What in the world...
B	It's not like we're using our real names.
Y	What were our real names, anyway?
R	You forgot?
Y	We've been living for so long that it's just easier to go by outward appearance. Take Ao Oni. He's always slightly pale in the face.
B	Stop that. I just have a lower haemoglobin level in my blood. Oh, and I learned this only recently because one of those group medical examinations.
Y	For the record, it's not that I have a bad liver that would give me yellow skin.
R	We know. It's your haircolour.
B	Rather than yellow, it's more blond? Regardless, you've always been extremely good looking.
Y	But in the past I was pretty disliked as people thought it was a weird colour. How times change.
R	I'm red because I'm a redhead!
B	Exactly. Aka Oni is a redhead, so Red Oni!
R	Don't call me a redhead!
Y	You just said it yourself.
R	I can say it, but I dislike others calling me that.
Y	You're peevish as usual, aren't you.
B	Well then...
[03.54]	*game sound*
B	Ki Oni, shall we exchange the "bring friends" characters. I have the dog.
Y	Mine's a pheasant.
B	Ah, you specialise in air battles. Quite the enthusiast we've got here~
R	Just wait a minute!
B	Why?
Y	What are you raising your voice for?
R	Don't pretend like you don't know. I'm asking why we're playing a game where I get killed!
B	It's only a game.
Y	Exactly. Nowadays, Oni are simply seen as fictive monsters. It's only normal to have them as an enemy in a game.
B	Kids nowadays know the difference between fiction and reality.
R	That's not the problem here!
Y	But I too have to admit that, we have always been treated as 'stuff of legends'.
B	Yeah, like that we are completely red, or blue, huge and horned and the like.
Y	In reality, our outer appearance isn't all that different, though. The image has just been exaggerated out of fear.
B	Where did that final image come from anyway? That one of holding a club and wearing pants made of tiger skin.
Y	Ah, those pants! Yes, I've been wondering about that on as well. I mean, Japan doesn't even have tigers! Where did they get the tigers for those? Did they go to India or something?
B	Exactly! Ahahaha.
Y	Ahahaha.
B+Y	Ahahaha.
[05.08]	*AkaOni hits the table*
R	Stop laughing!
B	Seriously, what is your problem?
R	It's not a laughing matter! Do you realize how much shit we've had to deal with only because of how the humans decided to portray us?
B	We'll that's true, but...
R	And what is it with this "bring friends" stuff? Why does an oni have to bring creatures like dogs and pheasants to an oni-extermination quest?!
Y	Oh, now I remember. Momotarou gave you a pretty bad time, didn't he.
B	THAT story again? I've heard it a million times already...
R	And you'll listen to it again! It was horrible.
B	Fine, talk to your heart's content.
	2 - Aka Oni's story
[00.00]	*battle sounds*
R	He's strong... What in the worlds is he?
M	Born from a peach, I am Momotarou!
	Hadn't I introduced myself when I landed on this island?
R	There is no way a human can be born from a peach. I've been underestimating him thinking he was another pitiable creatur---
M	Don't call me pitiable!
R	Damnit, you've even been using underhanded tactics!
M	You shouldn't have underestimated me!
R	Not talking about that. The dog!
M	What about my dog?
[00.44]	*dog barks*
R	I can't attack when you're using a cute dog like that as a shield.
[00.54]	*more animal sounds*
R	You even have a monkey and pheasant with you! They're way too cute!
M	Ever since the olden days, hero's have been using animals to thwart of attacks. There is a story that Egypt used cats as a shield against an attack from Persia.
R	What cowardice. Is that even humane? It's what I'd call animal cruelty!!
M	I am allergic to cats, so I brought a few other animals with me. Apparently, dogs do the trick just as well.
R	You scum... And why did you come to this isolated island?
M	That's obvious, isn't it? Treasure! You've got quite a stash here, right? Gimme.
R	You... You're a burglar?!
M	Don't call me misleading names. No, I'm merely getting back the treasures you took from the good people. So.. I'm a chivalrous thief?
R	I haven't stolen anyone's treasure. So you mind your tongue as well!
M	Don't play dumb. In the capital it is quite a common rumour. An oni appears in the night aiming for merchant's homes to steal away their riches. There are quite a lot of people in the capital who have seen group of creatures with a horn on their head carrying away treasures into the night.
R	We're innocent. I'm sure it's a group of thieves that tries to blame the oni for their thefts. We've got nothing to do with it.
M	Come to think of it... Unlike the rumours, you don't have any horns, do you?
R	You've never seen a real oni, have you? Even if the thief had horns, wouldn't that mean that he isn't an oni?
M	You're trying to tell me you didn't take the treasure?
R	Yes! We're only living a self sustaining and easy life here. There is no reason for us to have treasures.
M	Proof it. Jump up and down.
R	I am carrying change! That's normal isn't it? From time to time we sell our local specialties, so we get enough for normal daily life.
M	You really have no treasures of gold and silver?
R	I. Do. Not.
M	Seriously? After getting an over the top fare-well party in the capital, I can't go back saying "welllll, there wasn't anything", now can I?
R	That's got nothing to do with us, really. Shall I give you famous "Oniauba" powder? It's packed with vitamins and minerals and even helps when you're a little constipated and...
M	No need!
R	And we also have processed foods. We just opened a new shop. "Oniauba" cookies, "Oniauba" Soba and such...
M	Don't think that anything can become a specialty just by simply sprinkling powder on it!
[03.32]	*monkey screeches*
M	What is it, monkey?
	*monkey screeches*
M	Ah, I see. You're really smart, aren't you.
R	What... What did it say?
M	He said: "if there isn't any treasure here, why don't you take it from somewhere else?" So, you have until tomorrow to gather silver and gold.
R	Even the monkey is being mean!
M	What's the problem? Even in the capital your infamy has spread. It should be a breeze for you to gather riches. People will throw their money at you when they hear an oni has come. You see, they all value their lives the most.
R	That's way too horrible!
M	You're saying you don't want to? In that case, don't assume your head will always be attached.
	3 - Karaoke - the second
B	Yush! I got me some Ao Oni horns!
Y	Oh, a rare item. Awesome!
R	Listen to me when I'm talking!
B	But it's the same as the previous times.
Y	We've heard it about fifty times now...
R	On top of that, don't you think something is wrong with you, Ao Oni, defeating an Ao Oni?!
B	You know, Aka Oni... Even when a fat guy gets told he's a pig, he'll still eat pig, right?
R	That doesn't make sense. I really have the feeling that is a different situation.
Y	By the way, what did you do after being told to get the treasure?
B	Yeah! It's a that point that I stop being interested, so I end up forgetting that part.
R	You guys... really... At that time there were pirates rampaging the island, waging battles and what not. As I couldn't bring myself to steal from innocent people on the mainland, I attacked the pirates.
Y	So that's what you did.
B	Doesn't that mean you handed over booty acquired from sea battles?
R	Kinda... I wanted to return it to the original owners, but... With the situation as it was...
Y	Still, no matter how cute dogs or monkeys or what not are, you absolutely not being able to fight back...
B	Is a little pathetic.
R	It wasn't just that! This guy was incredibly strong! Inhumanly so!
B	If he didn't lie about being born from a peach, I guess that would make him inhuman.
Y	More like a god-class? In the olden days, peaches could purify evil powers and even calm down demon kings.
R	Aaah, and he was talking to his monkey, so that means he could understand animal speech.
B	What's that?! Cool! I want that power too.
Y	Me too, I'd like to talk to animals as well
R	So... He wasn't human after all? Say, what is the difference between us and humans anyway?
B	Hmm... It is said we are bigger than humans but nowadays... We're about 180 centimeters, which is not that big of a deal now as humans can reach that height too.
Y	Yeah...
R	In simple terms, it is possible that even a woman wearing heels can be bigger.
Y	If there is a difference... I'd say lifespan.
B	How old can oni get anyway?
R	The oldest one on my island said he was around when humans were making patterns in clay.
B	Seriously?!
Y	On our mountain the chief elder said he was there when creatures were living in the sea only but could start living on land because the ozone-layer had started to form.
R	That's a good lie.
B	A flat out lie, if I ever heard one. He's enjoying that talk way too much. He's saying he was there when life began!
R	What's with such a mischievous chief elder?!
Y	Also, there are no women.
B	EH?! No women?
R	You hadn't noticed?
B	My village suffered a population decline and when I was finally old enough to be able to grasp my surroundings, myself and another guy were the only ones left!
Y	You're such an easygoing guy, aren't you.
R	What about your parents?
B	I dunno. They were gone before I even noticed. I'm a bit... what do they call it nowadays... Neglected?
Y	Ah, so that's your story. Sorry to have asked.
B	Oh, don't worry about it. Wasn't there a woman who wore a tiger bikini, flew through the air and could release lightning?
R	That's not an oni, but an alien! Anyway, on my island there are only men as well.
B	But there is the phrase "Onibaba", an oni old hag?
R	That's merely slander, those people aren't real oni. Same goes for "kijo", oni woman, and "oniyome", oni bride.
B	So, how do we procreate?
Y	What are you talking about? With human women, of course.
B	EEEEEHH?!
Y	You're unexpectedly oblivious of the ways of the world.
B	Oooooh, so that's why you once tried to capture some high class lady!
Y	What?! No that's not...
B	I can say it now, but when I first heard that rumour I was taken aback.
R	Same here. Even when you can't get a woman, kidnapping her is going a bit too far. No wonder Issun Boushi got angry.
Y	No, no! It's not like that! Don't talk about me like I'm a criminal or something. How is that story being told?
B	How? I believe it was that an oni was trying to kidnap a noble woman, but Issun Boushi stabbed out the oni's eye with his needle-katana, so the oni dropped his mallet and fled?
R	Yep, that's it. "Issun", or one sun, is about three centimeters, right? Being done in by a human that small... Isn't that a bit pathetic?
B	Trying to play tricks on a woman and be sent running... That's no more than a small fry, really. Extremely uncool.
R	You're really that unlucky with the ladies? You look attractive enough...
Y	I keep telling you that it's absolutely not like that! There's no way a three centimeter human exists. Why is the story being exaggerated that much? Yes, he was small. But not a mere three centimeters. That's really blowing up a story. Why do you even believe it?
B	But if a guy born from a peach exists, isn't it possible for a three centimeter guy to exist too?
Y	You guys are unexpectedly obliging with this stuff...
R	So, what's the real story then?
Y	Actually, Issun Boushi and I were best friends.
B + R	WHAT?!!
Y	Who'd have thought we both would fall for the same woman...
B	What? A love story? Romance?
R	You're fond of those stories, aren't you?
Y	He had left his hometown, sailing a small boat to come to the capital. Halfway in a river his boat capsized and I happened to rescue him. Afterwards...
	4 - Ki Oni's story
I	A...Ha...Ha... Sorry, sorry. Have I kept you waiting?
Y	Don't worry, I just arrived as well, Is- Uhm...
I	Issun Boushi is fine. I know it's what everyone calls me anyway.
Y	But..
I	Still, I'm not "Issun". There is not a single person who's only 3 centimeters tall.
Y	You're quite something.
I	Well, it is true I'm quite short, so...
Y	I don't like people staring, so I don't even dare to go near the village...
I	Say, what are we standing around like this. Come, sit down. Here, I brought you your favourite, Futabaya's Mamemochi.
Y	Thanks! Sorry for the trouble.
[0.45]	*bag rustling*
Y	So, how's work? You're working for some aristocrat, right?
I	I'm fairly busy. It's become quite hard to slip out when on duty as a messenger and all...
Y	Ah, sorry... I am happy that you find the time to visit me.
I	I owe you my life, it's the least I can do. If you hadn't saved me, I wouldn't have been able to find a job in the capital.
Y	I didn't help with that.
I	Still, I need to be alive for that, right? I'm so grateful to you for that. If there is anything I can do for you, just mention it!
Y	Sure. Thank you.
I	Say, are you still afraid of visiting the capital?
Y	Well, yeah. Though I guess the people there would be the ones who are afraid of me.
I	I see. Being short is problematic, but being too tall isn't a walk in the park either. Though I think you're really stylish. You're so tall and your legs are so long... I'm a little jealous, you know.
Y	Still, the amount of people who fear me is way bigger. Look at my hair, yellow and wavy. Not the kind of hairdo you'll find in the capital.
I	Yellow... Well, yes, it's yellow. Like the trees in fall. I think it's beautiful.
Y	Thanks...
I	This is but a premonition, but I think in a thousand years someone like you, with those golden wavy locks of yours, is going to be quite popular.
Y	You think so? Not that it would do me any good to be popular in a thousand years...
I	Huh? What do you mean? You want to be popular now?
Y	Ah, don't worry about it, it's nothing. In a thousand years, people's take on things might change, huh...
I	Sure! There is nothing in this world that doesn't change.
Y	Well, maybe you will still grow taller? Maybe you're just a bit behind on others.
I	I highly doubt that...
Y	Why?
I	Because I've already past the thirty...
Y	WHAT? You mean to say you're not a child? Your face really still looks like a child's...
I	Problem?
Y	No, it's fine. I'm still older than you. By a few hundred years or so.
I	Ah, it would be so nice if I would grow a bit taller. My family is poor and of low status, so there really is no way for me to get higher up...
Y	But the nobility you're working for is at the top of society, right? You think of your parents, never missing to send then some extras and you work diligently. There must be someone who will notice that! If you keep on working like this, surely they'll...
I	Impossible! It's a different story if it didn't matter where I went, but... I'm not tall like you are and my lady will not fall in love with...
Y	What's the matter?
I	Just wait a sec... If I accomplished some exceptional deed or something, then...
Y	Hmm? What are you mumbling?
I	Ah, nothing. It's nothing, really.
Y	If you say so. Anyway, just know I'm here for you. Don't lose hope.
I	Yeah, you're right.
Y	By the way... You mentioned a "lady" just now...
I	You mean my lady? What about my lady?
Y	Uhm, well... You know... How should I put this...
I	Hm?
Y	The other day she went to visit a shrine, didn't she?
I	Yes, she did. She certainly did. I accompanied her.
Y	I just happened to see that from the mountain and, uhm... How to put this... She's really beautiful, isn't she?
I	Hnn? Could you be... You've fallen in love with my lady?
Y	Nnnnooo, it's not like that. It's just... One hardly sees a woman that pretty and... well...
I	I see, so that's what you meant with that you wanted to be popular now. Hmmmm... Eh? Just wait one moment... Could this be...
[05.03]	*drum sounds / sound of Issun Boushi thinking*
I	That's it!
Y	What?! Where?
I	That, that!
Y	What are you talking about?
I	You are worried about being accepted or rejected, so you decided to hide away in the mountains. BUT in a thousand years, hiding away from society will be a serious problem.
Y	You really like imagining how things look in a thousand years, don't you...
I	You're good looking. You should be more confident. If you really like my lady, you should act like a man and confess to her!
Y	Yeah, but, well, uhm... I haven't even talked to her and then suddenly a love confession?
I	Then I'll introduce you to her! Let's have tea, just the three of us. I know this stylish cafe, just a little outside the capital. Next time when she goes for a shrine visit, I'll invite my lady to that cafe. So let's start with having some tea and a talk! Absolutely without alcohol involved!
Y	Well, if it's only tea...
I	That's the spirit! The first step to get away from your hermit lifestyle is getting out!
Y	Okay, if you say so...
I	It's decided then! I'll give you the details later.
[06.08]	*break back to present*
B	N... Nnn? Sorry to interrupt, but...
Y	Yes?
B	This reeks of a trap.
R	It must be a trap, no matter how much you think about it. Just think! There is no way that someone will introduce you to a woman and not want anything in return.
B	That is a little gloomy, but okay.
R	Shut it.
Y	So it was a trap, after all...
B	Didn't you think something was off?
Y	Seeing him struggling with that small body of his, I truly respected and trusted him. He also always bought me my mamemochi...
B	You got lured in by food?
Y	It hadn't even crossed my mind that he was luring me into a trap.
R	So, what happened?
Y	When I went to the cafe, there were soldiers armed with bow and arrow waiting for me.
[07.03]	*wheels taking us back to the past*
I	Get away from my lady, you demon!
Y	What's going on?
I	I will not hand over my beloved lady to an oni! Let's fight it out right here and now!
Y	What are you talking about? You... Is that a needle you're holding?
I	I sharpened this and made it into a sword! With this, I will stab your eyes! Prepare yourself!
[07.29]	*cheers*
Y	No, don't! I have fear of needles!
[07.40]	*break to the present*
B + R	Eeeeh?!
B	Really?
R	Somehow that seems like a waste. Really, you're a disappointing, good looking guy...
Y	I completely trusted him, letting down my guard, telling him my worries. So he knew of my fear.
R	And then?
[07.57]	*break to the past*
Y	Don't point that needle at me! I can only flee!
Men	Banzai!!
I	I did it! My lady, I did it! I, Issun Boushi, defeated the horrible oni who was after my lady. I, Issun Boushi, have protected you! I heard a rumour on the winds that an oni intended to abduct and eat you, so I took precautions. I believed that the oni would show it's face the next time my lady would go visit a shrine, so I took my chance and succeeded in overtaking the brute. There is no doubt that he fears me beyond anything and will not come down into town any longer. Rest assured. Oh, my lady, those words of gratitude... You wish to reward me? Eh? If there is anything I'd like? May I be so rude as to voice it? Truth be told, I have yearned for my lady from the day I have met you.

*To be continued in post two (translation in progress - expected mid-February)*


Notes:
T1 - Onigashima - This simply translates to "Island of the Oni"
T2 - Momotarou - Momotarou is a famous hero, named so because he was a boy born from a peach (the Japanese word for peach is "momo". "Tarou" is a common way to end a boy's name). The introduction style at the beginning of track two is reminiscent of the kabuki theatre, hence, over dramatic.
T2 - Oniauba - I'm translating this as a name, but I am assuming it is a name coined from the words oni-au-ba, meaning "place where oni meet" or "place where you meet oni".
T2 - Soba - a type of noodle made of buckwheat. Can also refer to a noodle dish made with buckwheat noodles.
T3 - Time when humans were making patterns in clay - Aka Oni is referring to the Jomon-period in Japanese history, which is as vague as about 10.000 BC to about 300 BC (some sources even say it began 14.000 BC).
T3 - Woman wearing tiger skin - Ao Oni is talking about the female character Lum from the manga/anime "Urusei Yatsura"
T3 - Issun Boushi - Issun Boushi (the name means 'One "sun" son'), is a fairytale about a youth who was only 1 "sun" tall and never grew (a sun is a measure of about 3.03cm or a bit over an inch). Just like Momotarou's, his fairytale is very well known. I left the character's name untranslated, but in English he is known as "One-Inch boy".
T4 - Futabaya no mamemochi - This is a fairly famous rice cake with anko (red bean paste) filling and hole azuki (red) beans used in both the anko as well as the mochi dough.
T4 - My lady - I translated the word "hime", which is generally translated with "princess", as "my lady". This because the word hime can also be used for a lady of status - which is the case here.
T4 - I can only flee - Ki Oni says "there still is the thirty sixth principle; fleeing". He is referring to the 36 Chinese principles (三十六計) for war, of which the last is said to be flight.